But I’m still ashamed.

Yesterday, I had the mother of all emotional explosions. I’m not proud of it. In fact, I hate myself a little bit for it, especially because it happened in front of Gabe.

Television Train - Cage & Aviary

Mike and I were arguing. It started out innocently enough, as these things tend to do, a discussion about something that’s always a bit of a hot topic with us, and most of the time, we can talk about it, even if we get heated now and then. I don’t know what it was about yesterday that made it so bad, but it was bad.

The Chelsea Hotel Oral Sex Song - Jeffrey Lewis
I Feel Good, Put Your Pants On (Pilooski Edit) - Jackson Jones

If we’re having a heated discussion, usually Mike’s the one to say, “Let’s just drop it.” I don’t “drop” things well. I try, I wish I could, but often times, I don’t feel better about a bad set of circumstances until I’ve worked it out completely, either by talking about it or by writing about it. Mike is my go-to friend when I need to talk about stuff, and yet he often tells me to drop it. It’s one of the things about him that I am a little in awe of, that he can let things go if they get too uncomfortable for him to face anymore. Sometimes, it’s a blessing that he can do that. Sometimes, I wish he would give a little more of a hoot to stick with something. Sometimes, I think he’s in a bit of denial about facing things that really should be faced.

Glitter Pills - Health
Crazy About Your Woman - Rednose Distrikt feat. Rafaela
Replay Version - Ujama Productions

Plus, I’m emotional all the time, but especially when pregnant, so the waterworks were almost automatic.